knife_bender | A hotel in Sandusky, Ohio

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A hotel in Sandusky, Ohio | Monday Night

Diego had made a promise to Annie to not hurt The Deep. He fully intended to keep that promise. However nothing was said about not watching while other people hurt The Deep. It was a loophole, and he knew it, but one he fully intended to take advantage of.

She probably shouldn't have told him that the asshole got transferred to Sandusky today.

He hadn't fully explained to Steve why he had brought Five along to their little adventure, but he figured the situation would explain itself soon enough.

"Okay, so, I figure we pretend Five is a fan," Diego said as the elevator dinged to let them off on the upper floors. "And we're just his exasperated guardians letting him meet his hero."

He said 'guardians' like he didn't know he would yet again be mistaken for Five's father. At least Steve also now had to deal with being one of Five's dads this time.

[For a few!]

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He would have if he had been allowed to, but he was going to have to live vicariously through Steve and Five.

"Get him inside," Diego said, not even planning to touch the guy in order to be able to completely keep his promise. "Be a shame to be interrupted by a cleaning lady or something."

"What the fuck?" The Deep was bent over with his forehead in his hand like that was going to help. He stared in disbelief at Steve, and then Diego -- the kid was the outlier here, and he couldn't quite figure out what he would have done recently to deserve being punched?

Like, he had just moved here.

"In, or I punch you again," Steve barked in his best putting-up-with-no-shit Navy Commander voice.

Five rolled his eyes, teleporting behind the Deep and further into the room. "Good sound insulation in the walls," he remarked.

Saying things like that was creepy, Five. It would never stop being creepy.

"That can't be the first time someone's punched you in the face," Diego said, breaking the rules slightly to shoulder Deep into the room far enough that he could close the door behind them. "Into the room, Flipper."

The Deep did stumble back into the room, turning to look at Five.

Supes. Okay. No one he knew, which made it even more confusing.

"Who the fuck are you? The fuck is this?"

And because he was a stupid, stupid man sometimes, The Deep decided he should round on the guy who'd hit him and attempt to shove him.

And sure, he had standard-issue super-strength, but he'd also been drinking since Saturday night and maybe didn't have great, like... precision. Or aim.

"Brah, I'm almost embarrassed for you," Steve said, stepping out of the way, and then tripping him because Steve was one petty son of a bitch when he chose to be.

"This is... call it an intervention," Five said, taking a seat to observe him in person now. "A come to Jesus moment, I think it's called?"

"Weird that you mention Jesus, because we were just at the Believe Expo," Diego said, leaning against the wall. "My girlfriend was a headliner there. I think you might know her."

Ah. Well, that made a lot of sense, even if it wasn't exactly fair, considering he was the one who'd lost his place on the team ('sabbatical, ' sure.)

So, The Deep said the first thing that came into his head.

"Look, man, she came on to me."

"Yeah," Steve drawled. "That's bullshit."

And then he--guessing that Diego had made some kind of promise not to touch this jackass--punched him again.

Five grabbed whatever was nearby to teleport in to smack him in the face with it once Steve got his hit in too. "Want to rethink that?"

It was a Fresca can, upon closer inspection.

"That looked like it hurt," Diego said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Now what was that you were saying about Starlight?"

"Fucking shit!"

The Deep should have really seen all of that coming (okay, maybe not the specifics re: teleporting child, Fresca can), but he still managed to be surprised.

And invulnerable skin or not, being hit repeatedly fucking hurt.

"Okay, okay, look, what do you want?" he asked, wanting it to sound authoritative and just failing so hard. "She won. I'm here. What-fucking-ever, it's done."

And, again, he was the real victim here, as he hadn't even gotten what he'd wanted, so like, what was their problem?

"You seem like you've really learned some lessons," Steve said dryly.

Five sighed and looked over at Diego and shrugged before hitting him again with that Fresca can. "Not the lesson we want you to learn here."

God, now he would never look at a soda can the same way again.

"Here's the deal. I was going to let these guys beat the shit out of you until I felt less pissed off but I'm now realizing that is just going to lead to your death."

Because this guy was a huge idiot in addition to being a tool.

"So instead I'm going to let you apologize and admit you're a fucking asshole, and then we'll leave," Diego said. "I think that sounds fair. I mean, unless you really want to see what else my brother can do with a Fresca can."

"I'm sorry I hit on your girlfriend?" The Deep tried, eyeing the Fresca can warily.

He was really going to need someone coaching him to get this right, because he was only barely seeing what he had done wrong in the first place.

"I'm gonna need that Fresca can, too," Steve said, glaring at The Deep. "Did you not sit through a 'don't show your dick to people who aren't interested' Powerpoint? The Navy makes us do it twice a year."

Five gave up on the Fresca and teleported out of the room. Only to come back with a fire ax. Look, you said his skin was unbreakable, Diego. And there was nothing wrong with testing that theory.

Also, some sweet psychological warfare.

"Last chance to get it right."

"Don't be a fucking idiot. She told me everything, including the part where you tried to blackmail her," Diego said. "So I want you to reach deep into your tiny mind and come up with a decent way to say you're a piece of shit."

He wandered over closer, but was careful to not actually touch the guy. "Otherwise I'm not going to stop these two from really fucking you up. What if they damage your face? From what I hear, your only job with The Seven was to stand there and look pretty."

Thanks for that bit of info, Annie.

The Deep only didn't roll his eyes because he didn't want to get hit with the axe.

It probably wouldn't get messy, but it would hurt.

"I'm sorry," he tried again. "For -- misreading the situation."

Try the fuck again, Kevin.

"I shouldn't have taken my pants off until she said it was cool?" he tried. "But you know, she threatened me already."

So this was all super unnecessary, guys. Starlight had already been a total bitch to him for weeks, and he wasn't going to bother her anymore! And he probably wouldn't do this to another woman, especially since he wasn't sure what woman would come near him again after that prissy little --

Trying again.

"But I hope she can forgive me, because what I did was wrong," he said, holding his hands up already like he was bracing to be hit.

Steve looked at Diego, then at Five and his fire axe. It was tempting...

"If I listened in your ear it be like a conch shell, huh," he said. "I'd hear the ocean because there's nothing in there. She was never going to be cool with it, you self-obsessed prick."

He was dumber than Luther and Diego being in the same room together, yes.

Five nodded along with Steve's comment on the matter. "So, it wouldn't be that much of a loss if I hit him in the head, right?"

"It wouldn't be, but it also means he's too stupid to learn anything from it." Diego didn't believe a word of The Deep's apology, but he knew guys like this. That false apology was the best they were going to get.

"Get your last hits in then we can go." Unfortunately they couldn't really hurt him otherwise there was a chance it'd come back on Annie.

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