knife_bender | A hotel in Sandusky, Ohio

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A hotel in Sandusky, Ohio | Monday Night

Diego had made a promise to Annie to not hurt The Deep. He fully intended to keep that promise. However nothing was said about not watching while other people hurt The Deep. It was a loophole, and he knew it, but one he fully intended to take advantage of.

She probably shouldn't have told him that the asshole got transferred to Sandusky today.

He hadn't fully explained to Steve why he had brought Five along to their little adventure, but he figured the situation would explain itself soon enough.

"Okay, so, I figure we pretend Five is a fan," Diego said as the elevator dinged to let them off on the upper floors. "And we're just his exasperated guardians letting him meet his hero."

He said 'guardians' like he didn't know he would yet again be mistaken for Five's father. At least Steve also now had to deal with being one of Five's dads this time.

[For a few!]

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"Don't be a fucking idiot. She told me everything, including the part where you tried to blackmail her," Diego said. "So I want you to reach deep into your tiny mind and come up with a decent way to say you're a piece of shit."

He wandered over closer, but was careful to not actually touch the guy. "Otherwise I'm not going to stop these two from really fucking you up. What if they damage your face? From what I hear, your only job with The Seven was to stand there and look pretty."

Thanks for that bit of info, Annie.

The Deep only didn't roll his eyes because he didn't want to get hit with the axe.

It probably wouldn't get messy, but it would hurt.

"I'm sorry," he tried again. "For -- misreading the situation."

Try the fuck again, Kevin.

"I shouldn't have taken my pants off until she said it was cool?" he tried. "But you know, she threatened me already."

So this was all super unnecessary, guys. Starlight had already been a total bitch to him for weeks, and he wasn't going to bother her anymore! And he probably wouldn't do this to another woman, especially since he wasn't sure what woman would come near him again after that prissy little --

Trying again.

"But I hope she can forgive me, because what I did was wrong," he said, holding his hands up already like he was bracing to be hit.

Steve looked at Diego, then at Five and his fire axe. It was tempting...

"If I listened in your ear it be like a conch shell, huh," he said. "I'd hear the ocean because there's nothing in there. She was never going to be cool with it, you self-obsessed prick."

He was dumber than Luther and Diego being in the same room together, yes.

Five nodded along with Steve's comment on the matter. "So, it wouldn't be that much of a loss if I hit him in the head, right?"

"It wouldn't be, but it also means he's too stupid to learn anything from it." Diego didn't believe a word of The Deep's apology, but he knew guys like this. That false apology was the best they were going to get.

"Get your last hits in then we can go." Unfortunately they couldn't really hurt him otherwise there was a chance it'd come back on Annie.

"What the fuck, I said I was sorry," The Deep protested, like the childish idiot he was.

He'd said he was sorry, so there was no reason to keep hitting him! That's how this was supposed to work!

Steve smacked him in the back of the head. "Yeah, but you're sorry you got sent to this shitty town in Ohio. You're not sorry for what you actually did."

He knew just...so many guys like this in the Navy.

"I just don't like you," Five said, smacking him in the side with the handle of the ax.

At least he was being honest about it.

You know, it wasn't as satisfying as getting to hit this guy himself, but it did make him feel a little bit better watching friends and family do it.

"I could watch this all night," Diego admitted. "But I guess I did kind of make a promise, guys."

"Did she send you?" The Deep asked, still super confused about all of this. (He wasn't exactly, like, not prone to confusion when he wasn't being repeatedly struck in the head, and then that wasn't helping, either.) "The bi -- Starlight told me she'd burn my eyes out but she didn't say anything about this shit."

To be fair, she also hadn't mentioned having a boyfriend at all, much less gotten into, 'My boyfriend, who hangs out with a Navy SEAL and a murderous child.'

"I'm sorry," he added again, just in case he'd said something that made them want to hit him again.

Everything about The Deep made Steve want to hit him again. He had the most punchable face since James Franco.

"Of course she didn't send us," Steve said, rolling his eyes.

And then punching him one more time. "And I know what word you were about to say and wow, no."

"But, if you're involved in anything with her because of this little visit," Five said, stalking forward like he wasn't, you know, a twelve year old child. "I'll come back and my brother won't be here to rein me in."

Did he have to threaten him with the blade of the ax to the crotch? Yes. Absolutely.

"I'd take him seriously, I once saw him stab a guy in the neck with a butter knife." Was he lying? He could be, but he wasn't.

"I think we've sufficiently humiliated this asshole. For now," Diego said, going to open the door. "Shame it's too late to go to Cedar Point while we're here."

"Vought says I'm not supposed to talk to her at all," The Deep muttered, bent over his knees. "Maybe I should tell --"

Stop talking, Kevin.

"Got it," he said instead, trying to sound tough amidst all the wincing.

"I never want to see you again," Steve said, getting way up into The Deep's space. "Make sure that happens. Don't be a dumbass. Resist your--" he gestured uselessly with his hand, "--you know, everything about yourself."

Five teleported over to the door with Diego, letting the ax clatter to the floor. "Good chat!"

"Surprised you didn't want to keep the ax as a souvenir," Diego mumbled. "Come on, Steve, I'll buy you cheese fries."

And you know midwest cheese fries would be really heart attack inducing and delicious.

"Ooh, cheese fries," Steve said, grinning. "Now I can tell Danny we went to a sports bar."

And skip the whole "beating a dude who deserved it up" part.

"And margaritas, right?" Yes, give the twelve year old drinks, guys.

"You know, I think a child drinking margaritas might be a little conspicuous here." Weird, right?

"Get us sent away for being terrible fake parents," Steve agreed, snickering.

"I'm older than both of you." He was going to steal from the mini-bar if you forced him to, guys.

He looked over at Steve, realizing that statement needed an explanation. "Time travel."

"Huh," Steve said. "That explains how you know your way around a fire ax."

Maybe. If you squinted.

"That was mostly from our childhood," Five replied, pretty matter of factly as he chose to lead the way out of there.

A hotel in Sandusky, Ohio | Monday Night

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