knife_bender | A hotel in Sandusky, Ohio

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A hotel in Sandusky, Ohio | Monday Night

Diego had made a promise to Annie to not hurt The Deep. He fully intended to keep that promise. However nothing was said about not watching while other people hurt The Deep. It was a loophole, and he knew it, but one he fully intended to take advantage of.

She probably shouldn't have told him that the asshole got transferred to Sandusky today.

He hadn't fully explained to Steve why he had brought Five along to their little adventure, but he figured the situation would explain itself soon enough.

"Okay, so, I figure we pretend Five is a fan," Diego said as the elevator dinged to let them off on the upper floors. "And we're just his exasperated guardians letting him meet his hero."

He said 'guardians' like he didn't know he would yet again be mistaken for Five's father. At least Steve also now had to deal with being one of Five's dads this time.

[For a few!]

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"Yeah," Steve drawled. "That's bullshit."

And then he--guessing that Diego had made some kind of promise not to touch this jackass--punched him again.

Five grabbed whatever was nearby to teleport in to smack him in the face with it once Steve got his hit in too. "Want to rethink that?"

It was a Fresca can, upon closer inspection.

"That looked like it hurt," Diego said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Now what was that you were saying about Starlight?"

"Fucking shit!"

The Deep should have really seen all of that coming (okay, maybe not the specifics re: teleporting child, Fresca can), but he still managed to be surprised.

And invulnerable skin or not, being hit repeatedly fucking hurt.

"Okay, okay, look, what do you want?" he asked, wanting it to sound authoritative and just failing so hard. "She won. I'm here. What-fucking-ever, it's done."

And, again, he was the real victim here, as he hadn't even gotten what he'd wanted, so like, what was their problem?

"You seem like you've really learned some lessons," Steve said dryly.

Five sighed and looked over at Diego and shrugged before hitting him again with that Fresca can. "Not the lesson we want you to learn here."

God, now he would never look at a soda can the same way again.

"Here's the deal. I was going to let these guys beat the shit out of you until I felt less pissed off but I'm now realizing that is just going to lead to your death."

Because this guy was a huge idiot in addition to being a tool.

"So instead I'm going to let you apologize and admit you're a fucking asshole, and then we'll leave," Diego said. "I think that sounds fair. I mean, unless you really want to see what else my brother can do with a Fresca can."

"I'm sorry I hit on your girlfriend?" The Deep tried, eyeing the Fresca can warily.

He was really going to need someone coaching him to get this right, because he was only barely seeing what he had done wrong in the first place.

"I'm gonna need that Fresca can, too," Steve said, glaring at The Deep. "Did you not sit through a 'don't show your dick to people who aren't interested' Powerpoint? The Navy makes us do it twice a year."

Five gave up on the Fresca and teleported out of the room. Only to come back with a fire ax. Look, you said his skin was unbreakable, Diego. And there was nothing wrong with testing that theory.

Also, some sweet psychological warfare.

"Last chance to get it right."

"Don't be a fucking idiot. She told me everything, including the part where you tried to blackmail her," Diego said. "So I want you to reach deep into your tiny mind and come up with a decent way to say you're a piece of shit."

He wandered over closer, but was careful to not actually touch the guy. "Otherwise I'm not going to stop these two from really fucking you up. What if they damage your face? From what I hear, your only job with The Seven was to stand there and look pretty."

Thanks for that bit of info, Annie.

The Deep only didn't roll his eyes because he didn't want to get hit with the axe.

It probably wouldn't get messy, but it would hurt.

"I'm sorry," he tried again. "For -- misreading the situation."

Try the fuck again, Kevin.

"I shouldn't have taken my pants off until she said it was cool?" he tried. "But you know, she threatened me already."

So this was all super unnecessary, guys. Starlight had already been a total bitch to him for weeks, and he wasn't going to bother her anymore! And he probably wouldn't do this to another woman, especially since he wasn't sure what woman would come near him again after that prissy little --

Trying again.

"But I hope she can forgive me, because what I did was wrong," he said, holding his hands up already like he was bracing to be hit.

Steve looked at Diego, then at Five and his fire axe. It was tempting...

"If I listened in your ear it be like a conch shell, huh," he said. "I'd hear the ocean because there's nothing in there. She was never going to be cool with it, you self-obsessed prick."

He was dumber than Luther and Diego being in the same room together, yes.

Five nodded along with Steve's comment on the matter. "So, it wouldn't be that much of a loss if I hit him in the head, right?"

"It wouldn't be, but it also means he's too stupid to learn anything from it." Diego didn't believe a word of The Deep's apology, but he knew guys like this. That false apology was the best they were going to get.

"Get your last hits in then we can go." Unfortunately they couldn't really hurt him otherwise there was a chance it'd come back on Annie.

"What the fuck, I said I was sorry," The Deep protested, like the childish idiot he was.

He'd said he was sorry, so there was no reason to keep hitting him! That's how this was supposed to work!

Steve smacked him in the back of the head. "Yeah, but you're sorry you got sent to this shitty town in Ohio. You're not sorry for what you actually did."

He knew just...so many guys like this in the Navy.

"I just don't like you," Five said, smacking him in the side with the handle of the ax.

At least he was being honest about it.

You know, it wasn't as satisfying as getting to hit this guy himself, but it did make him feel a little bit better watching friends and family do it.

"I could watch this all night," Diego admitted. "But I guess I did kind of make a promise, guys."

"Did she send you?" The Deep asked, still super confused about all of this. (He wasn't exactly, like, not prone to confusion when he wasn't being repeatedly struck in the head, and then that wasn't helping, either.) "The bi -- Starlight told me she'd burn my eyes out but she didn't say anything about this shit."

To be fair, she also hadn't mentioned having a boyfriend at all, much less gotten into, 'My boyfriend, who hangs out with a Navy SEAL and a murderous child.'

"I'm sorry," he added again, just in case he'd said something that made them want to hit him again.

Everything about The Deep made Steve want to hit him again. He had the most punchable face since James Franco.

"Of course she didn't send us," Steve said, rolling his eyes.

And then punching him one more time. "And I know what word you were about to say and wow, no."

"But, if you're involved in anything with her because of this little visit," Five said, stalking forward like he wasn't, you know, a twelve year old child. "I'll come back and my brother won't be here to rein me in."

Did he have to threaten him with the blade of the ax to the crotch? Yes. Absolutely.

"I'd take him seriously, I once saw him stab a guy in the neck with a butter knife." Was he lying? He could be, but he wasn't.

"I think we've sufficiently humiliated this asshole. For now," Diego said, going to open the door. "Shame it's too late to go to Cedar Point while we're here."

"Vought says I'm not supposed to talk to her at all," The Deep muttered, bent over his knees. "Maybe I should tell --"

Stop talking, Kevin.

"Got it," he said instead, trying to sound tough amidst all the wincing.

"I never want to see you again," Steve said, getting way up into The Deep's space. "Make sure that happens. Don't be a dumbass. Resist your--" he gestured uselessly with his hand, "--you know, everything about yourself."

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