MHA # 2 | Sunday Evening

[knife_bender]

The whole family dinner thing had not been Diego's idea. In fact he made it abundantly clear that he thought it would be a disaster. But it was three against one, so Diego ordered a couple pizzas and invited Five and his abomination over to eat with them.

This was the weirdest goddamn weekend.

[For Hargreeves and Hargreeves adjacent]

Comments

[knife_lights]

"We told him he needed the long hair and beard," Ben said. "But your dad looks like a baby."

[apocalypsehow]

"I'm in my sixties," Five squawked, extra annoyed by the crack in his voice that came from puberty 2.0.

[knife_lights]

"We know, but like, Uncle Five, that is not what you look like," Autumn explained patiently.

Or what he sounded like, but that seemed unkind to point out.

[knife_bender]

"Did he manage to get uglier?" Diego asked, unceremoniously putting the pizzas and paper plates on the table.

[betterthanacube]

Tim somehow already had a slice of pizza in his immobile mannequin hand at that. Which was probably creepy for everyone who wasn't Ben or Autumn.

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Oh, wei -- wow," Annie fumbled, before politely making sure Tim had a plate for his pizza, like a good hostess and oh God she didn't want to accidentally touch it. "So, wow -- " Nice save, Annie. "That's really interesting how you're all from, um, the same future?"

Was it? Whatever, talk so she didn't have to look at Tim.

[knife_lights]

"Yeah, of course," Ben said, grabbing a slice of pizza. "We're cousins."

[apocalypsehow]

"Cousins," Five repeated. And only then did it sort of sink in about Dolores. "Oh."

[knife_lights]

"Obviously." Autumn clearly didn't get what was weird about any of this. She took a bite of her pizza, slanting a look at Tim before muffling a little laugh and shaking her head. "Oh my God, no, I don't want to get in trouble again," she hissed.

[knife_bender]

Diego looked from the twins, who were talking to the mannequin like it was people and then to Five, who apparently had banged a mannequin. "I need to get another beer."

[apocalypsehow]

EXCUSE YOU, THEY HAS A REMARKABLY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP FOR THIS FAMILY.

"I thought Dolores didn't want kids," Fives said faintly, taking a much more measured sip of margarita.

[defenderofdesmoines]

Well, Annie was staring fairly clear horror at all of this, but at least tried to recover.

"It's just a possibility," she tried, gesturing to Tim and trying to look, you know, normal when she looked at him.

Except how it wasn't, because what the actual hell?

[knife_bender]

Diego came back to the table with two beers. They were both for him. "You and I are gonna have a talk about Dolores."

[apocalypsehow]

Five shot him a look that implied Diego was talking crazy here. This family didn't engage in open and honest emotional communication.

Also, he better get a margarita for even humoring Diego through it.

[defenderofdesmoines]

"So Tim must take after his mom," Annie offered, because it was the absolute nicest way she could voice, 'So is Dolores a damn mannequin?'

That made no sense, but there was a teleporting mannequin apparently eating pizza at the table, so.

[knife_lights]

"Looks-wise, I guess." Guess? "I think his personality is all Uncle Five though."

Yeah, can't you tell by Tim's acerbic wit?

[apocalypsehow]

Tim was onto his second slice of pizza, sauce on that mannequin face.

Again, y'all need to stop thinking about it.

"Well. It's good to know that you're around in the future," Five said with a sense of smugness that he must have succeeded in saving the world then.

[knife_lights]

"Duh. Tim's our favorite cousin, but don't tell." Because then someone's feelings might be hurt. "Tim, you've got something like, right here."

Autumn casually indicated her own entire face.

They had also eaten with Tim before, clearly.

[knife_bender]

Diego gave Five a look. Don't bring up the apocalypse at the dinner table. He worked hard to try to convince Annie that it wasn't a big deal.

"I don't even want to know about your other cousins." God only knows what kind of monsters Luther and Klaus would manage to have, if Tim is what happened when Five procreated.

[apocalypsehow]

What about Vanya's weird semi-adopted past kid?

"Allison has a daughter, doesn't she?" Five asked as a napkin seemed to just appear in Tim's hand at some point in there.

[knife_lights]

"Yeah, but Claire's, like, thirty." Which meant Claire could be anywhere from twenty-five to forty years old in their timeline, helpfully. "So she doesn't hang out much."

[knife_lights]

Ben looked over at Tim with a smile on his face for a moment before laughing. "Yeah, she really hated it when we asked if she got any gifts from her uncle-stepfather that one Christmas."

In case if anybody was wondering if Allison and Luther got over that weird thing between them at any point in life.

[apocalypsehow]

Five's face said all he needed to say about that.

"Thankfully I left before they hit puberty."

[defenderofdesmoines]

Annie was kind of clearly working to keep her face somewhat neutral, because no, she had no idea about Luther and Allison, and now she had Questions. Plus the twins were, like, talking to that mannequin like it was talking back, and she was just going to have a little more of her margarita to deal, here.

"I think it's really nice how it sounds like everyone sees each other at holidays and stuff," she contributed, because that seemed like a safe enough thing to comment upon. Plus it totally meant the apocalypse went fine, you guys. Totally fine!

[knife_bender]

"Sure, that is a word for it." He could only imagine what kind of holiday-themed fights happened.