knife_bender | Diablo Donuts | Baltimore

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Diablo Donuts | Baltimore | Tuesday Evening

Diego decided it was time he and Five met on common ground to discuss...well he didn't know what they were going to discuss but they couldn't just keep ignoring each other. The island wasn't that big and Five was a student in his girlfriend's class for god's sake.

So after only minor bickering over who was going to drive (Diego won because it was his goddamn car), they found themselves at a donut place that for some reason had a donut with Old Bay on it. Maryland, man.

"Your son is so cute," the waitress said, sitting down two cups of black coffee in front of them.

Diego sighed. He hated his life. "Thank you."

[For the brother and NFB, self!]

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"How about the fact you still haven't explained why you're here?" Diego said. "You waltz in after sixteen years looking like a child and just start taking classes and living in the dorms? For what, fun? That doesn't make sense."

"It's... complicated," Five settled on as donuts appeared for them. Sort of killing the attempt at a serious mood since one was covered in Frutti Pebbles.

Uh he can totally be an adult and eat cereal covered donuts at the same time!

"I'm listening." Listening while also taking a huge bite of the multicolored donut that was lovingly named Unicorn Fart.

That was fake and you knew it, Diego.

Five's expression turned grim and annoyed, but that might have just been his normal resting face at this point. "I'm trying to get back to 2019."

"Because...?" If Diego hadn't been so enthralled with his donut and with the fact he was getting answers from Five for once, he probably would have noticed a group of guys outside the shop staring at him.

It was like they were trying to make sure this knifed up ninja was the knifed up ninja that had been hanging out with those two cops on a date a few months ago.

Shame that they'd have to kill him in front of his weird kid.

"Because that's when the world ends," Five bit out, glancing over at the guys outside like the paranoid weirdo he was. Could the Commission have found him this quickly?

"What?" Of course that's when the guys came in. Four of them, heading right for their table.

Despite the shock of hearing about the apocalypse, Diego's training did kick in when he caught the look on Five's face plus the guys heading towards them. One of his hands went to curl around the hilt of one of his (many) knives.

Five just let out an annoyed sigh, putting his coffee down and letting his own hand curl around a butter knife.

"You're gonna come with us," Head Mook said, completely ignoring Five, much to his added annoyance, focus firmly on Diego. "Or it's gonna get real messy in front of your kid."

"He's not my--" Ugh, whatever. "This is about the ice cream truck thing, isn't it?"

"The what?" Diego, what were you getting into here?

"I told you he was the right guy!" One of the guys in the back chimed in.

Which, of course, meant that was when the waitress from before showed back up. "Will you fellas be needing a larger table?"

"Lady, I suggest you get out of here." And if Diego's tone wasn't enough to convince her, the fact that he brandished a knife might do the trick.

"Same goes for you guys," Diego said to the mooks. "My son is kind of feral."

"You poor sap, you brought a knife to a gun fight," one of the cockier of the guys said as guns were drawn and the waitress was sent running with a scream.

Was this the right time for some retro music? It was time for some retro music. Because, as the waitress ran, she might have bumped into the radio up at the counter for a song came on just in time for Five to disappear from his spot to reappear behind one of the guys and stab him in the neck with that butter knife.

While the other three guys were (understandably) shocked by a child stabbing one of theirs in the neck, Diego took his chance to jam his knife into the back of knee of the guy closest to him.

He slid out of his chair, grabbing another knife out of his harness. "I told you. Feral."

Five left the butter knife where it was, definitely giving off that feral vibe with a baring of teeth before he disappeared again, reappearing to smash a coffee mug down on the wrist of one of the guys to steal his gun from him before it could be used on Diego.

Outside, a van screeched to a stop outside with more idiots arriving as the rest of the people in the donut shop fled in terror.

"What did you get yourself into?"

"It wasn't my fault!" Damn Hawaii PD getting him in trouble!

Diego flipped a table for some sort of cover. "If this is like the last time they definitely have more than one van."

The guy Diego had knifed was groaning in pain and trying to limp to the door to meet their backup.

Five shot him a look that implied he didn't buy that in the slightest. But only because he didn't know what happened when you mixed the canons and it just got wacky.

"Great," he grumbled, checking the magazine in his stolen gun before smacking it back into place.

That was just a little bit unsettling, but Diego wasn't going to focus on it right now. But, yes, he had questions, Five.

Mostly because the van door slid open and a half dozen armed guys came out of it. They didn't seem like type to really care about rescuing their fallen comrade, even he was begging them not to shoot.

"Guess we're not leaving out the front."

"Take care of the stragglers," Five suggested, disappearing before Diego could argue with that. Because he was a control freak and because this was his version of reverting to 12 years old and not letting anyone end the conversation except for him.

"Five!" That was never going to not be annoying. It was also cheating.

Diego peaked over the table he had been using for cover, which of course gave the guys outside a target to aim at. At least with them shooting out the windows it gave Diego an open to hurl knives, nailing one of them in the hand.

DEAL WITH IT, DIEGO.

Five was busy teleporting in and out of the group of men, leaving behind shrieks of pain in his wake and gunfire as he baited them to where he wanted their attention. "Over here, assholes!"

And, as long as Diego stayed where he was, it should all work out just fine.

Diego? Staying where he was? Perish the thought!

He moved out of cover like a smart person, curving a knife at one of the guys that Five had successfully distracted. He hit his target but turned out the guy could take a knife to the back pretty well and he turned to shoot at Diego.

He ducked behind a table again but not before a bullet grazed his arm. "Fuck!"

Did you miss fighting with your siblings again, Five?

In only the vaguest way possible, yes.

But mostly he was annoyed that Diego couldn't follow basic instructions. Next time he'd do this on his own. Because that always worked out well, right?

Five hissed in annoyance, turning his attention on the guy who shot Diego with a fury that shouldn't be on someone who looked his age's face before launching himself at the poor guy to topple him into the group that was still standing. It was bad, Diego. Don't look, it was bad.

Someone was going to get their neck snapped by someone who was just barely going through puberty.

Diego stood up in time to see that whole thing happening. What the fuck?

He could hear the screeching of tires down the street and he knew those guys had more than one van. They had like three the last time!

He started backing up towards the kitchen because the place had to have an emergency exit, right? "Five, we've got to go. Now."

At some point they had to run out of guys, right? At some point.

Five straightened his dumb uniform jacket, squinting in the direction of the other vans. Then disappeared, just to reappear next to Diego to eye his bleeding arm speculatively. "Fine. But I'm driving this time."

He could too reach the pedals if the seat was moved forward enough, you little shit.

But could you see over the steering wheel? That was the real question.

"Fine," he said, letting go of his bleeding shoulder long enough to slap his keys in Five's hand. "Don't wreck my car."

There had been a half-full box of donuts that the waitress had been preparing before she got the shit scared out of her on the kitchen counter. Diego grabbed it, having the feeling he might need to smooth things over with Annie after this.

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