knife_bender | Diablo Donuts | Baltimore

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Diablo Donuts | Baltimore | Tuesday Evening

Diego decided it was time he and Five met on common ground to discuss...well he didn't know what they were going to discuss but they couldn't just keep ignoring each other. The island wasn't that big and Five was a student in his girlfriend's class for god's sake.

So after only minor bickering over who was going to drive (Diego won because it was his goddamn car), they found themselves at a donut place that for some reason had a donut with Old Bay on it. Maryland, man.

"Your son is so cute," the waitress said, sitting down two cups of black coffee in front of them.

Diego sighed. He hated his life. "Thank you."

[For the brother and NFB, self!]

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Five left the butter knife where it was, definitely giving off that feral vibe with a baring of teeth before he disappeared again, reappearing to smash a coffee mug down on the wrist of one of the guys to steal his gun from him before it could be used on Diego.

Outside, a van screeched to a stop outside with more idiots arriving as the rest of the people in the donut shop fled in terror.

"What did you get yourself into?"

"It wasn't my fault!" Damn Hawaii PD getting him in trouble!

Diego flipped a table for some sort of cover. "If this is like the last time they definitely have more than one van."

The guy Diego had knifed was groaning in pain and trying to limp to the door to meet their backup.

Five shot him a look that implied he didn't buy that in the slightest. But only because he didn't know what happened when you mixed the canons and it just got wacky.

"Great," he grumbled, checking the magazine in his stolen gun before smacking it back into place.

That was just a little bit unsettling, but Diego wasn't going to focus on it right now. But, yes, he had questions, Five.

Mostly because the van door slid open and a half dozen armed guys came out of it. They didn't seem like type to really care about rescuing their fallen comrade, even he was begging them not to shoot.

"Guess we're not leaving out the front."

"Take care of the stragglers," Five suggested, disappearing before Diego could argue with that. Because he was a control freak and because this was his version of reverting to 12 years old and not letting anyone end the conversation except for him.

"Five!" That was never going to not be annoying. It was also cheating.

Diego peaked over the table he had been using for cover, which of course gave the guys outside a target to aim at. At least with them shooting out the windows it gave Diego an open to hurl knives, nailing one of them in the hand.

DEAL WITH IT, DIEGO.

Five was busy teleporting in and out of the group of men, leaving behind shrieks of pain in his wake and gunfire as he baited them to where he wanted their attention. "Over here, assholes!"

And, as long as Diego stayed where he was, it should all work out just fine.

Diego? Staying where he was? Perish the thought!

He moved out of cover like a smart person, curving a knife at one of the guys that Five had successfully distracted. He hit his target but turned out the guy could take a knife to the back pretty well and he turned to shoot at Diego.

He ducked behind a table again but not before a bullet grazed his arm. "Fuck!"

Did you miss fighting with your siblings again, Five?

In only the vaguest way possible, yes.

But mostly he was annoyed that Diego couldn't follow basic instructions. Next time he'd do this on his own. Because that always worked out well, right?

Five hissed in annoyance, turning his attention on the guy who shot Diego with a fury that shouldn't be on someone who looked his age's face before launching himself at the poor guy to topple him into the group that was still standing. It was bad, Diego. Don't look, it was bad.

Someone was going to get their neck snapped by someone who was just barely going through puberty.

Diego stood up in time to see that whole thing happening. What the fuck?

He could hear the screeching of tires down the street and he knew those guys had more than one van. They had like three the last time!

He started backing up towards the kitchen because the place had to have an emergency exit, right? "Five, we've got to go. Now."

At some point they had to run out of guys, right? At some point.

Five straightened his dumb uniform jacket, squinting in the direction of the other vans. Then disappeared, just to reappear next to Diego to eye his bleeding arm speculatively. "Fine. But I'm driving this time."

He could too reach the pedals if the seat was moved forward enough, you little shit.

But could you see over the steering wheel? That was the real question.

"Fine," he said, letting go of his bleeding shoulder long enough to slap his keys in Five's hand. "Don't wreck my car."

There had been a half-full box of donuts that the waitress had been preparing before she got the shit scared out of her on the kitchen counter. Diego grabbed it, having the feeling he might need to smooth things over with Annie after this.

He'd figure it out!

Five grabbed a donut from one of the trays on their way out because teleporting as much as he had usually took it out of him. Weirdly less so than he remembered. Maybe it was because of the younger body.

"Ugh, Old Bay," he mumbled around a mouthful.

Diego snorted. "I'll count this as a successful family outing now."

He was going to ask about what the hell that neck breaking, butter knife stabbing thing was, Five. Just, you know, when he wasn't actively bleeding.

"No one puked, so," Five agreed once he swallowed that bite.

Someone out there definitely puked. Probably over the blood thing.

"I mean, there's still a chance I'll puke from your driving." Just saying!

"Sounds like a you problem," Five replied, getting into the car that was inexplicably old looking. As all cars owned by the family were.

Diego could hear sirens getting closer to where they were and he was (wrongly) hoping that they were getting away in time to not be identified by anybody. He was gonna be banned from Baltimore at this rate.

"It'll be a you problem if I throw up on you," he said, getting into the car. "Vomit down your knee socks probably won't feel too good."

"I'll teleport away and then you'll have to clean it up," Five replied, starting up the car to get them moving. You know. Totally inconspicuous. Just a pre-teen driving a car with a bleeding guy and some donuts, officer.

What are you talking about, this was totally normal.

"Touché," he said, lifting his hand to look at his shoulder. "Annie is gonna kill me."

Five squinted at the wound for another moment, a weird form of understanding in there. Dolores would be so upset if he did something like this, he knew.

"It's not deep. Couple stitches."

Oh lord, when Diego found out about Dolores he was going to be even more worried.

"Yeah, well, she's bulletproof so she doesn't take this stuff lightly when it happens to me."

THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH DOLORES, OKAY?

"Bulletproof, huh? That's handy."

It really was, honestly.

SHE WAS A MANNEQUIN, FIVE. A MANNQEUIN.

"It's pretty common where she's from," he said. "She's nice, you know. Nice enough that I think she's going to keep trying to be friends with you even though you're an asshole."

THEY HAD A LONG, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.

Five wrinkled his nose at that. "What's she doing with you?"

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