Elliot's | Mid-Morning

[knife_bender]

Luther had made his way to Elliot's, stolen the guy's robe, and made the biggest plate of scrambled eggs known to man. Now he was reluctantly listening to his brothers (and his brother's girlfriend), explain what the hell happened to them last night.

He didn't particularly care. He was still moping over Allison.

Which wasn't gross, you're gross.

Diego	Diego, meanwhile, was not only grossed out by the eggs, but by Luther's attitude in general. Some Number One. "You don't understand. They keep following us." Hmm...probably not helping the whole crazy person thing.
Luther	He had heard allllll about the insane asylum thing, Diego. And he was not surprised. "Wait, who?" Luther had mostly been paying attention to the eggs.
Annie	"These Dutch sociopaths," Annie explained, and she was going to just not watch Luther with those eggs. Like. Annie didn't know how to cook, but she was pretty sure the Food Network would have called that pan Luther used 'overcrowded.' There were spilled eggs all over the stove. (Not that Annie was gonna clean it up.) She was going to have to, like, buy Elliot a plant to make up for what terrible guests they were being, damn it.
Five	"They're Swedish, you idiots," Five said, wondering if maybe Luther's very presence reduced the brain cells in the room. "Hired guns paid to eradicate us before we do anymore damage to this timeline." He was looking at you, Diego.
Diego	"Yeah, but why now?" Diego asked. "I mean, I'm fine for three months before you showed up." Loose definition of the word "fine" right there.
Luther	"I was here one year and no one messed with me," Luther said before taking a giant bite of eggs.
Annie	"Maybe it's my fault," Annie offered, just sort of trying to lessen the tension. "I mean, we got here at the same time. Maybe it's me." Yeah. Maybe Annie was the one who triggered the other temporal assassins.
Five	Five rolled his eyes because he was going to blame Hazel for it anyway. "Even if it was my fault, which it isn't, we only have six days until the end of the world, and the closest we've gotten to Dad was that driveway at the consulate."
Luther	"That's not exactly true." Boy, these eggs were...well were not great, but you made do when you wanted to eat your feelings.
Five	"What do you mean?" Luther, what did you do?
Luther	"I saw him. I found out where he was, took a bus there, told him I was his son. He didn't believe me." Big shocker there. "I thought it was because of the time travel thing, but he said he knew time travel was possible." Luther sighed. "He said that it was a pathetic attempt at spy craft and that he hated children, he'd never have children and then told me to get my stink of failure out of his house." Reginald Hargreeves never missed a chance to roast one of his children, even when he wasn't aware it was his child.
Diego	Diego snorted. "That's pathetic."
Luther	"At least he didn't shank my ass." Or stomach. Whatever.
Diego	"No, bro," Diego said, leaning forward. "He shanked your heart."
Annie	"Luther," Annie interjected, glancing over at Diego fondly -- their brotherly bickering was really cute to her, honestly, after having broken up a fistfight not that long ago, and that was actually a fairly poetic way to put things, Diego, you adorable genius -- "I am so sorry that happened to you. What a dick." Sometimes it just helped to hear someone confirm that someone else was acting like a dick, you know?
Elliot	Elliot thought he had been getting used to this whole 'aliens in his home' thing. Then he saw Luther, who had to be the biggest alien he had ever seen. "...is that my bathrobe?"
Luther	Yes. "...no." Let the man have a bathrobe when he was depressed!
Five	"Look, who cares what he shanked?" Five asked, really trying to move this along to something productive. "He knows something about time travel."
Elliot	"Um, why don't you do your thing and time travel us out?" Elliot asked.
Five	"Anyone care to explain?" Just a little exposition for the poor guy!
Luther	"First time he got lost in the apocalypse," Luther shared.
Diego	"Second time he ended up without hair on his balls." Nice, Diego.
Five	"Last time I tried, I scattered my family across three years in Dallas, Texas, possibly triggering doomsday." He looked at Elliot with a thin smile that really wasn't a smile at all. "Any more questions, Elliot?"
Elliot	"Uh, no." He was just going to stand to the side now and not say anything, thanks.
Diego	"You're missing the big picture," Diego said. "Dad is the ringleader of a sinister cabal that's planning to kill the president!" It all added up, why were none of you listening to him?
Luther	Luther looked over at Annie and Five, like he was trying to assess if they believed this nonsense. "A cabal?"
Annie	"Yeah, a cabal," Annie affirmed, nodding along. It honestly wasn't just support anymore. This might actually be real! At the very least, their dad was probably doing some shady, weird shit!
Five	"Ignore them," Five said without skipping a beat. Their brother was nuts and Annie was joining in to make it a folie à deux, Luther. "Look, the way I see it, we have only one option."
Luther	Why did that 'one option' thing scare him? "And what's that?" Please say it was eating more food.
Five	Because you were a coward, Luther and Five was lookin' a little extra psychotic as the plan was half coming together. "It's time to get the Umbrella Academy back together."
Diego	Diego clapped his hands together, totally pumped about one of Five's ideas for once. "Hell yeah, family meeting."
Luther	Noooooo that was the opposite of fun! God damn it. "Okay, could one of you get Allison then, please?"
Diego	Wait. Bathrobe. Giant plate of eggs. Clearly something had happened. "You two still a thing?" Diego asked. "Do we need to talk?" Yes, Diego, please talk to your brother about his crush on your sister.
Luther	"No," Luther said dejectedly. "She's married."
Diego	Oh thank god. He knew Allison was the smart one in the family. Still, Luther did look really pathetic right now. "Dude, that's rough."
Luther	"I can handle it." Did you not see him right now? The picture of someone handling things well.
Five	Yeah, this was gross. "I'll get her," Five said to prevent more sad, gross conversations. He looked at Luther before asking, "Can you get Vanya without squeezing her to death?"
Luther	Hey! Uncalled for! Luther rolled his eyes. "I'll try."
Five	Excuse you, totally called for! Five took that as a deal before teleporting away without letting anyone else get more conversation out of him. Such was his thing.
Elliot	Now that Five wasn't around to give him a creepy smile, Elliot felt much more comfortable speaking again. "What should I do?"
Diego	Diego grinned. "Prepare for company." A lot of weird, bickering company.

Elliot	Elliot had gotten ready for company in the most 1960's way imaginable: By making a truly awful looking jello mold. "Y'all know, jello used to be a delicacy. In order to make it, you've got to boil down a whole mess of hooves. Horses, cows, pigs, it doesn't matter." Did you want to eat any yet, guys? "But not everybody has a mess of hooves just lying around," Elliot said with a chuckle. "It wasn't until, uh, a couple of sassy New Yorkers figured out how to dry it out so the rest of us could have a chance to enjoy this ambrosia."
Diego	"If I have some, will you shut up?" Never let anyone say Diego wasn't willing to take one for the team.
Elliot	The smile immediately vanished from Elliot's face. "...maybe."
Annie	Diego. She loved you, but if you actually ate that, Annie was -- You know what? She was gonna tell Summer, who she actually missed intensely right now. But she was just gonna...like, look away from that whole jello situation, and instead focus on the exhausted-seeming amnesiac sprawled on the couch. "How are you feeling?" she asked Vanya.
Vanya	Vanya had been caught up to speed, so she knew that Annie was one of the few people she wasn't related to. So that made the caring question extra special, right? "Pretty shitty, to be honest."
Diego	Diego took out a knife to super casually throw it. Like one does. Super casually. "Where would you say you are, from a scale of one to ending all life on this planet?" Totally valid question, in his opinion.
Luther	"Really? Diego, put the knife away, you idiot, she's fine." Yes, Luther was sitting here acting like he hadn't been ready to shoot Vanya two days ago.
Annie	Annie lifted an eyebrow at Luther as she wandered over to perch on the arm of Diego's chair -- the opposite arm from the knife-flipping, incidentally. "I think everyone's earned the right to be a little wary," she said neutrally, offering Vanya an apologetic little shrug.
Diego	"Exactly," Diego said, automatically leaning towards Annie. "The last time I saw this one she had me suspended mid-air, sucking the life out of me with energy tentacles. I think I'm allowed a little time to process." As if Diego had processed a thing in his life.
Elliot	Elliot perked up, looking at Vanya hopefully. "Oh I would love to see an energy tentacle."
Vanya	Vanya gave Elliot a look that indicated no energy tentacles would be happening any time soon. Then she focused on Diego, giving him an apologetic look. "I don't remember what I did, but I'm sorry...if that means anything."
Diego	It was really hard to be mad at Vanya when she looked so innocent and confused. God damn it. He sighed, putting the knife away. "It does."
Annie	Well, that right there seemed huge. Look at that. Look how quickly that was defused! "It's been a long few days," Annie explained, affectionately reaching over to play with Diego's hair a little. "Or...like, actually kind of a lot longer than that for all of you, I guess." A few days for her and Five. Much, much longer for the rest, and so everyone was just going to have to deal with her leaning down to press a kiss to Diego's cheek, too.
Luther	There was a little undignified noise Luther made under his breath, eyes darting towards Vanya. Look, he knew she had amnesia, but something in her had to be grossed out by that, right? Deep down you knew it was gross, Vanya.
Vanya	Look, Vanya was just uncomfortable as a human being in general. PDA just made it worse. She made a move like she was going to get up, and then changed her mind, flopping back against the couch. Then sat forward again. "Is that the door?" She had heard nothing.
Annie	Maybe if Annie had had siblings, she'd have more awareness of how weird this was for Luther and for Vanya. But Annie was, sadly, just used to hanging out with friends who knew what to expect when they invited out Diego and Annie. Like, they weren't inappropriate. They were just -- demonstrative. And besides, Annie thought it was pretty cute how leaning over to kiss Diego's cheek had resulted in her just sliding right into his lap with a giggle. "Whoops."
Diego	Diego most definitely knew how uncomfortable this must have been for Luther and Vanya. He just didn't really care. "I am not complaining," he said with a grin, placing his hand on her leg.
Luther	"Yep, that's definitely the door," Luther lied, getting up. "I'm just gonna--come on, Vanya. Let's get the door. Together."
Klaus	Well, Diego was going to have to deal with the only family member who would lean into the PDA next as the door opened. "Oh, wow. I know this is impossible, but did we all get sexier?" Klaus asked the room at large. Because they'd all totally had a glow up. Except Five. Who apparently never changed his clothes.
Allison	Allison and Five weren't too far behind him. "Vanya," Allison said, ignoring Klaus being Klaus for the actual emotional moment here.
Vanya	It was a pretty emotional moment, even if one of them had convenient amnesia. Vanya gave Allison a shy smile. "I can't believe I have a sister." Hopefully she was less of a weirdo than the brothers.
Allison	Oh, she was the most normal one of them if you ignored the whole... Luther. Thing. But she'd moved past that! "I missed you," Allison said, genuinely meaning it.
Vanya	"Thank god someone did." Five, Diego and Luther hadn't exactly been the best introductions to the family. Vanya thought that was a warm enough greeting to go in for a hesitant hug. But she was totally ready to pretend to tie her shoe if it wasn't accepted.
Klaus	Allison absolutely accepted that hug! Because she was the superior sibling in the room. Unfortunately for Diego and Annie, Klaus was taking that to mean he should give them a hug. Remember that time in the car that you bonded over panties, guys? Remember?
Diego	Nope. Nope, not happening. No matter how great they both looked with long hair. "God, you must be drunk."
Annie	Annie would hug you, though, Klaus! Please, Annie had hugged Luther a couple days ago. Klaus was an easy sell. "It's so good to see you," she said warmly, genuinely meaning it about everyone even if Klaus was the only one getting a hug at the moment.
Klaus	"Yeah. No, just a little...a few," Klaus said to Diego, totally enjoying that hug with Annie even if Diego was being a jerk. But then again, that was Diego's nature. So, to Annie, he added, ""Diggin' the look." Because everyone is so on point with their fashion game! But that hug was fleeting as he went over to join his sisters in a hug there. "Hi, Vanny."
Five	Ugh, so much open emotion. "Klaus, is Ben here?" Five asked, trying to get them on track to the business at hand.
Klaus	"Oh, uh, no," Klaus said. "No, unfortunately, ghosts can't time travel."
Ben	Unseen by anyone other than Klaus, Ben gave him a deeply offended look. "Are you kidding me?"
Five	Sorry, Ben. "All right then, let's get down to business." Before the hugging moved onto him. God forbid.
Allison	"Hey, Diego. Can't say hi to nobody?" Allison called over at Diego. Because he needed to get nudged toward politeness by force sometimes.
Diego	Diego rolled his eyes. "Hi, Allison." Sound more thrilled, Diego. Dare you.
Allison	"What was that?" Allison asked, definitely having a bit of a threat in her tone for him to be nicer.
Diego	Of course he couldn't get away with it. However there was a tinge of a smile as he walked up the steps to where Elliot was waiting with his weird jello, because he had missed his siblings. "Hi, Allison!"
Allison	Yeah, she'd missed him too. All of them, really. "Thank you!"
Five	If people could just focus up here! Five waited until everyone settled into their new seats before beginning. "All right, first off, I want to say I'm sorry." Yes, that hurt to get out there. But maybe all that emotional honesty was rubbing off. Or something. "I know I really screwed the pooch on this whole going back in time and getting stuck thing. But the real kick in the pants is we brought the end of the world back here with us."
Klaus	"Oh my god, again?" Klaus said, turning to look at all of his siblings. "All of you knew? Why am I always the last one to find out about the--oh my god, my cult is going to be so pissed. Five! I told them we had until 2019!"
Five	"We have until Monday. Six days." But they could fix this. They'd... okay, they'd really bungled up the last time with that short of a time frame. But they'd all learned from their mistakes, right?
Klaus	"Is it Vanya?" Real talk, y'all.
Allison	"Klaus," Allison said, shooting him a look for that. It was still a sensitive topic!
Klaus	"What?" he asked, shrugging and slumping back in his seat. "It's usually Vanya."
Vanya	Vanya was just going to ignore that remark, thank you. "Do we have any leads, Five?"
Five	"Yeah, we have one," Five said, grabbing the folder that held one of the photos they'd had Elliot pull from the footage to hand over to Allison as the only other adult in the room in his opinion.
Allison	Which she took and only needed to glance at before saying, "Holy shit, is that Dad?"
Five	"Yeah." And the picture said a lot, didn't it?
Vanya	Vanya moved closer to take a look. "That's him?" She expected someone...well not that stuffy looking, to be honest.
Diego	"Standing on the grassy knoll." Oh. Oh no. Now look what you've done.
Five	"Diego and I have been trying to talk to Dad about what exactly this means," Five said, trying to just power on through Diego's psychosis. "So far we've got nothing."
Diego	"No, not nothing," Diego said, lifting a hand. "He's planning to kill Kennedy."
Five	"Maybe," Five said, humoring Diego here. "But we don't know who or what sets doomsday into motion. Could be Kennedy, could be something entirely independent. But if we know something changes in the timeline, we have to make it right." And not fuck it up. Again.
Allison	"Yeah, but how if we don't know what's broken?" Allison asked.
Diego	"Come on, do the math." Easy for him to say, since he had been coming up with Kennedy conspiracies for months now. "We know Dad's having some shady-ass meetings with some shady-ass people. We know he's on the grassy knoll in three days to kill the president. So I think we all know what we have to do." He paused for dramatic effect, fully expecting everyone to agree with him since it was the logical and right thing to do. "Kill Dad."
Five	Weirdly enough, that dramatic pause let Five chime at the exact same time with, "Find Dad."
Vanya	Vanya looked between Five and Diego, because that seemed like two very different plans. "None of us are supposed to be here, right? I mean, what if it's us? Has anyone here done anything to screw up the timeline?" She didn't know much about time travel, but not screwing up the timeline seemed like a big deal.
Luther	There was short pause before Luther chimed in. "Diego's been stalking Lee Harvey Oswald."
Diego	Diego looked insulted by the accusation even if it was extremely true. "And you've been working for Jack Ruby!"
Klaus	"Allison has been very involved in local politics," Klaus chimed in because this was turning out to be both messy and fun.
Allison	Excuse you! "And you started a cult!" Which was totally more dangerous.
Ben	Again, poor Ben could only be seen by Klaus, but he still had to add, "Thank you!"
Vanya	That was a whole lot of information to get in a couple of seconds. Vanya had so many questions about the cult thing. So many. "I'm just--I'm just a nanny on a farm," she said. "I don't have anything to do with all of that."
Allison	Really, Vanya? Are you sure? "Well maybe you do, and we just don't know it yet," Allison said, not knowing just how right she was.
Diego	"Listen to yourselves. Everything in our new lives is connected to Kennedy." Settle back and watch the crazy, everyone. "That can't be a coincidence." It could totally be coincidence. "Luther works for Ruby, Allison is protesting the government, Dad is on the grassy knoll, Klaus is..." Well. "...doing something weird and pervy, but probably related. See, clearly, we've all been sent back here for one special reason: Saving John Fitzgerald Kennedy." Now you may clap.
Five	Everyone ignore Diego. "I was there, I saw it. And I want to forget it, but I can't," Five said instead of humoring Diego's insanity. "I saw Russian nukes vaporize the world with all of you in it in a war that never happened until we brought it here." So, that was great for his own sanity. Yeah. "And Hazel gave his life to save us, so you may need to shut up and just listen to me. I don't know if the things we've experienced here are connected. I don't know if there's a reason for everything. But Dad will. We need to talk to him before everyone and everything we know is dead."
Luther	... "Okay, I'm out." Luther was already getting up and, no, he wasn't trying the jello.
Five	Rude. Elliot worked really hard on that. "Did you even hear me, Luther?" Five demanded, standing up as well.
Luther	"Yeah, I did," Luther said. "I heard an old man who still wants his daddy to come and fix everything. Well, you can count me out. It's time we all grew the hell up."
Diego	Whoa, monkey man was never that pessimistic. Diego thought that Luther would put up a brave front for Allison or something. He got up and followed Luther out because this wasn't the kind of family meeting you could bail on. What with the apocalypse and everything.
Luther	He would bail on whatever he wanted! "Save it, Diego," Luther said, already heading down the stairs. He'd go back to Jack Ruby. Who had never done anything wrong. Ever.
Five	Five teleported in front of the big, dumb ape, getting in his face as best he could with the whole height difference thing. "No one leaves until we figure this out."
Luther	It was kind of cute when he tried to look taller. Like a red panda on its hind legs. Luther didn't bother replying, instead pulling Five up by the collar and tossing him over the stairs. He knew he'd be fine. Unfortunately.

Diego	It didn't take Diego long to catch up to Luther after he flounced. Dude was probably the biggest guy in the state. "What's going on with you, big boy?"
Luther	"Ugh, leave me alone, Diego." You were the last person he wanted to speak to in the family. No, second to last. Five was worse.
Diego	"So, what, you're just gonna sucker punch Five and haul ass, huh?" Admirable, but not very helpful to their current situation.
Luther	"Look, maybe trying to stop doomsday is exactly what starts it," Luther said. "Did you ever think of that?" He certainly had. A lot.
Diego	"Oh so we do nothing?" Not an option in Diego's mind. "Since when were you a quitter?"
Luther	"Since the last time I destroyed the world by overestimating my own importance." Whoa, whoa, that sounded like self-realization. Almost unheard of in the Hargreeves family.
Diego	Diego rolled his eyes. "So this is about you never living up to the old man's expectations bullshit, huh?" Pot, kettle, etc.
Luther	"Maybe," Luther admitted reluctantly. "I don't know. We're all crazy as far as Dad's concerned."
Diego	"Oh, I'm not," Diego said wrongly. "He's an asshole, I'm awesome, that's very simple. Have to understand that, okay?"
Luther	"Okay," Luther said. "Why can't you leave JFK alone, hmm?"
Diego	"I'm a hero," Diego said immediately. "Heroes stop crime." Hmm, almost like that had been drilled into his head by someone...
Luther	"No, no, no. Dad told you that you were a hero. Right?" Luther said. "He told all of us." And that all believed it for various periods of time. "But what if he lied?" he asked. "What if we're just a bunch of freaks who have no business changing the world for everyone else?"
Diego	"No, everyone changes the world, Luther," Diego said. "Everyone. And it's scary, but that's kinda the deal." Probably the only time he admit his feelings on this matter out loud. Even Annie wouldn't hear that out of him. He shook his head. "You know, you are so goddamn big, sometimes I forget what a sensitive bastard you are. It's all gonna work out. We're on the right path."
Luther	Yeah, Luther was kind of stunned by how honest that was. "Oh yeah? How do you know?"
Diego	Diego smiled slightly. "There's a long, black car that's been following us since we left Elliot's. Six o'clock." Dad's paranoia teachings served him well yet again!
Luther	Luther wouldn't have been great at trying to see the car in a stealthy manner. Luckily he didn't need to try out his terrible sneaking skills. The black car stopped right in front of them. The driver of the car rolled his window down and handed an envelope to Luther. Before he could take it himself Diego was tearing it out of his hands and opening it with a knife. Typical.
Diego	Diego pulled out the letter, only looking up briefly to see the car drive off. "To my pursuers: I, Reginald Hargreeves--"
Luther	Luther pressed himself closer to Diego, like he thought somehow Dad was going to pop out of the envelope. "What?"
Diego	"--request the pleasure of your company for a light supper on the 20th of November, 1963, half-past 7 o'clock. 1624 Magnolia Street." Whelp. The letter certainly did scream Dad, so Diego had no doubt it was legit. Even written on personalized stationary.
Luther	Luther blinked. "A light supper?" What the hell did that mean?

[NFI, NFB but OOC is OK! Taken from TUA 2x05 Valhalla and preplayed with defenderofdesmoines and apocalypsehow]